In the 1980s a young woman named Jessica Johannsen was going
to a party when she looked at her face and realised she looked naked. Sure, she
had on fabulous eyeliner, sexy rouge and body glitter to die for (it was the
eighties after all, bitches) but her lips looked gross and pale. Jessica
freaked out. She broke every mirror in her house and went on a drunken driving
spree that ended up with a hospital visit and a ten week stay in the slammer.
She didn’t waste her time behind bars though. She used the
opportunity to invent the one thing that no self respecting woman can exist
without: lipstick.
Using a mixture of boiling hot candle wax, chewed up berries
she had saved from dinner and a chap stick that had been given to her by the
lesbian partner she had acquired in prison, Jessica made the first lipstick and
singlehandedly created the women’s liberation movement all in one afternoon.
Jessica’s impact on the feminist movement cannot be
overestimated. Several feminist icons have worn lipstick such as:
Tim Curry
Bearded Ladies
Pamela Anderson
Chyna
So I’d like to take the time to thank you Jessica on behalf of women, and lips (!),
everywhere.
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