As a beautiful woman with a hectic schedule, I often don’t
eat as well as I could or exercise as much as I should. At a modelesque 5’10” I
once weighed (OMG this is so embarrassing. LADIES!!!) 95lbs. I was huge. I
remember seeing my scales and freaking out thinking, “you fat bitch, soon you’re
going to be 100lbs and then you’ll look like all those fat hos who can’t get
men but tell everyone they don’t need a man in their life but nobody believes
them because they’re clearly lonely and you can tell that their lives are empty
and meaningless omg Mandy you bitch you fat dumpy bitch”.
Ladies, it was an overreaction.
**TOP TIP**
Overreaction isn’t even a river in Egypt.
**END OF TIP**
So to all my chunky chicas, larger ladies and obese land
whales, I have some makeup tips just for you so you can camouflage those extra
pounds and fool any man into thinking you’re worthy of love.
**TIP ONE**
Wear lipstick on your teeth. If he’s looking at your teeth,
he ain’t looking at your gut.
**TIP TWO**
Use eye liner to draw suggestive cartoons on your forehead,
such as a pair of breasts or, perhaps, draw a more attractive face on your
face.
**TIP THREE**
Suggestively dollop moisturiser at the corners of your
mouth; get him thinking what you’ve been using those lips for. LADIES!
If you follow these three simple tips, maybe you could nab a
man like my Greg! (Realistically though, you probably won’t as I’m most likely
far more attractive than you).
Have an extra cheesecake for me ladies! Us sexually active gals are
on diets!
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